i want to preface this by saying: these, as always, are my own thoughts and perceptions of the world. if you disagree with something i say here - that's fine. i am not here to change your mind, or to have mine changed. these are my thoughts, and perhaps a bit of food for your thoughts.

ive been around the internet for a very long time. i started on tumblr in 2012 and i was heavily active until 2019-2020 when i went for about a five year hiatus.

ive been on pretty much every side of every debate; i was a groomed child that advocated for pedophile sympathy. i was a traumatized child that identified as asexual before i could recognize what i had been through. ive been on either side of the bisexual vs. pansexual debate. ive advocated points that are more recently considered to be transmisogynistic, “transandrobro” talking points.

i dont like to divulge a lot of information about myself; my name is kepler, and that's mostly the long and short of it. i dont think anyone is obligated or entitled to know about my gender identity, my sexuality, or my biology. i advertise myself as nonbinary and bisexual because those are the things that feel important to me.

i am not the biggest fan of the recent spike of hyper-specific hyper-individual microlabels. ultimately, they are harmless, and in the grand scheme of things - sorry - they are meaningless. most of the labels and identities that people coin nowdays are created for a specific person, about themself, with nobody else in mind.

this is fine, but i do find myself asking:

at what point does obsessive individualism shift into isolation?

at what point do you have so many labels and such a micro-compartmentalized sense of self that you start losing connection with others?

when does it stop being a fun exercise in exploring identity and turn into an endless echo chamber of selfhood?

ive identified as many different things over the years; a straight cis girl, an asexual trans guy, a gay trans guy, a pansexual nonbinary, genderfluid, omnisexual, the list goes on.

and, just as anyone, in those years id been caught up in the same fights. i do still remember a notable exchange about pansexuality compared to bisexuality - the claims of pansexuality being coined to push back against the supposed transphobia of bisexuality, and the evidence on the contrary.

the first time i read the bisexual manifesto published by anything that moves, it honestly kind of shook me. it was incredibly touching. a lot of people say that the older queer generation was more exclusionary or less considerate, but the bisexual manifesto boldly and loudly dispels those beliefs.

"Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or dougamous in nature; that we must have "two" sides or that we MUST be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don't assume that there are only two genders. Do not mistake our fluidity for confusion, irresponsibility, or an inability to commit. Do not equate promiscuity, infidelity, or unsafe sexual behavior with bisexuality. Those are human traits that cross ALL sexual orientations. Nothing should be assumed about anyone's sexuality—including your own."

on one hand: i dont understand how people still argue that bisexuality is transphobic when this manifesto was released almost 30 years ago, now. this was long before pansexuality was even conceptualized.

on the other hand… it struck me, and it stuck with me. ”In fact, don't assume that there are only two genders. Do not mistake our fluidity for confusion, irresponsibility, or an inability to commit.”

i have ascribed to traditional gender roles and expectations in the past - i didnt feel right as a girl, so i thought the only other option was to be a boy. i thought bisexual meant two, so there could only be two genders. i was obviously misled and mistaken. over the years i've finally come to embrace the selfhood that i contain and maintain - i do not consider myself male nor female, nor do i quite think of myself as nonbinary. i am just kepler, and i love who i love.

in the cisgender world, i present myself as a man for the ease of moving through the world - i don't want an intricate conversation about gender and sex and biology with a dozen strangers a day. but i do not feel associated with men, nor with women. the people i find community with are fellow bisexuals and others with an indefinably nebulous relationship with gender.

i find relief, reassurance, and joy, in being able to speak to fellow bisexuals, to discuss to biphobia we've been subjected to, and to discuss the love that we have. it's beautiful and unifying and comforting to know there are other people on the planet like me that i can commiserate over shared feelings and experiences.

in theory, i could adopt dozens of microlabels to define every aspect of my identity. i could pick up any number of identities related to void, or space, or games, or anything else.

but in my eyes… why base your personhood on something that isn't you?

why are these identities the most important for everyone to know, when most people don't even recognize them?

you are not the things you like: or, at least, it's not a great way to build a sense of self. i like doctor who. i like project zomboid. i like minecraft youtubers. i like space. i like liminal spaces. i like hip hop and psychedelic pop. i could form identities around these traits, but i choose not to, because they do not define me. they may expand upon me, or reveal deeper running themes in who i am, but they are not me.

i am many things - i am bisexual. i am deeply compassionate. i am extremely intense. i am very upset at the world. i can be incredibly cruel, and in the same breath, i am incredibly kind. i am not defined by the things that i like - i am defined by the things that i do. i am kind because i try to consider my friends, and check in on them, and send them things that make me think of them. i am compassionate because i dont like seeing people in pain or suffering and i try to help them when i can. i am angry because i have been put through the wringer time and time again, and i think it's an injustice that others should be put through the same. i am cruel because my sympathy towards others can and has crumbled at a moment's notice and it made me lose any reservations i had about trying to be kind. i am many things, and none of them can be defined through a simple label or identity, because…

…i don't think that's what humanity was ever truly for.

it's not that i'm against this trend of micro-identity or hyper-personalization; if anything, it's fun to accessorize.

but sometimes it comes at the cost of connection.

sometimes it can be fulfilling to be uncertain, and to connect with others through that uncertainty.

you'd be surprised how much variety can fit into a single label. talk to a dozen bisexuals, and all you've learned is that twelve people experience bisexuality differently - and it's beautiful.